Above All Thinks I Believe In Lips! 

LA Splash; you gots some ‘splainin’ to do! 

Instagram, tumblr, facebook; social media is loaded with support for LA Splash cosmetics! And I was desperate to get my hands on just one! I invested in something similar to curb the craving but nothing satisfied! Sometimes you get that hunger on, like when you could really do with a hotdog and you eat everything but a hotdog and find you’re still hungry? 

I finally got my hands on Dutchess, one of your beautiful studio shine lip lustres which I really hoped was a product that I wouldn’t be able to live without. 


Let’s begin with the colour! A deep rich cool toned matte red with a dusting of red glitter. It glides on smooth and, I cannot stress this enough, stays on. This will not come off. Period. Not that you would want it to, the colour is that damn gorgeous. Prepare to wake up all done up even if you sleep in it; like Snow White from the glass coffin, you’ll be ready to party as soon as true loves smooch comes along.



That is if Prince Charming doesn’t receive some sort of friction burn from the petrified wood that your lips become! Okay…it’s not that bad…but it certainly feels like a badgers arse after it dries to that perfect shimmery satin finish! Mr Panda advises that it is probably similar to giving a blowjob with a condom on…not that he has ever done such a thing (ladies and gentlemen, this is a near direct quote from my boyfriend. Welcome to my life. It is odd). He has let me know that it isn’t unpleasant. Just dry.

It didn’t come off though!

It doesn’t crack, slip or peel which is good because if you put on more than one layer, things start to go south pretty quickly. It flakes and, if you try to put on a clear lipgloss (counterintuitive considering it is a satin lustre and not a gloss), you end up with lips that need resurfacing!

I have found the best way to get it off was with the help of a friends cocoa oil which she uses to take the ash off her elbows and knees! Worked a charm! Anything else: soap, water, acetone, white spirit, exorcism by a catholic priest…this stuff will not budge. Trust me! 


So if you want to seductively lick your lips (do it once, you will consider a nipslip as your flirtation of choice instead) go ahead! But, as I said, you will do it once and then decide against it. It’s not a nice feeling. Like licking a piece of paper when you’re really thirsty. Then your lips get a little tacky as they dry…and feel EVEN drier as a result! 

Sad fact of the matter is…I’m a sucker for pigmentation, comfort be damned! I want it bright, brash and sexy and this is what this gives you! Unforgiving, unrelenting, unmoisturising, undeniably seductive colour! 

No top-gloss, no double coats, no touch ups and no moisture…but who cares when you have lips the juicy colour of Satine’s Smouldering Temptress dress from Moulin Rouge! 


“My little strawberry, how could he possibly resist but gobbling you up!”


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