Get Your Glow From Downtown

I used to think I had a bouncing baby face…correction, I used to have a bouncing baby face because I carried a large amount of puppy fat. I do still have some spectacular tweekable cheekables but they have evolved into something a little less beachball-y and a little more adorable. This is what happens when you give up binge eating Cadburys mini-rolls kids! Preserve some cheekbones, don’t abuse chocolate; treat it kindly with a glass of wine to wash it down!

Where was I? Oh yeah! Tackling the moon-face will probably always be a curse of mine because I’ve been blessed with wide cheeks, wide jaw and wide forehead for all of Nasa to see. Capturing the angles with the camera was always my method of choice until I discovered contouring!  And from contouring…I discovered strobing; some new-fangled trend that I am yet to dedicate myself to in the day-to-day. Think contouring in reverse. In response to this trend or perhaps the other way around, high end brands have begun churning out shimmer after shimmery shade of highlighter to bring out the more edgy edges of your visage. Call me tight but I am loathed to shell out £30!!! for a trending product no matter how desperate I am for a cheekbone that rivals Ange in Maleficent! Judge all you want! A girl’s gotta eat…and this girl can’t live off own-brand miniature chocolate rolls! Gimme the good stuff!

So while some more dedicated (and probably a tad more well-off) make-up gurus are investing in Anastasia Beverly Hills Gleam and Glow palettes, I went on the hunt for something a little less bankrupting! Imagine my joy when I found a remarkable dupe from my guilty pleasure Makeup Revolution! I give you the Highlight and Radiance palettes. Jumping out at me like gold bullion from the stand for a mere £8 each from Superdrug; Yup! That’s for me!

The Highlight pallet features three shades more on the cold end of the colour spectrum and I mention it first because it is undeniably my favourite! They don’t have names for themselves but I couldn’t resist giving them some of my own!



L-R: Tchaikovsky, En Pointe, A.Pavlova

So the first is Tchaikovsky; so named because he wrote the score for several of my favourite ballets…you’re going to notice a theme here VERY quickly. Tchaikovsky is a yellow-toned ivory with a gold shimmer.

En Pointe is next because I think it is the exact same colour as a pair of brand new satin pointe shoes. It is a near to neutral nude with a peach shimmer.

A. Pavlova (so named after the Prima Ballerina…or the dessert…I’m not picky but I am hungry) is a cool pink with a rose gold sheen and this, by far is my favourite from my favourite palette of the two! I loved it so much that I did a random make-up look just so I could use it as much as possible! Here I use it on my cupids bow, nose bridge, brow, cheekbones and on the inner corner of my eye. Simply can’t get enough.

The powders are smooth and don’t clump but, I have to admit, they’re not as fine as a high end product…I’m not complaining. I believe in layering so I wasn’t put off by the fact that I had to apply the powder twice to get some extreme pay off. But I don’t think you’ll be wanting such a strong appearance for every day wear as this anyway!


The Radiance palette is something I see being perfect for the summer time but, for whatever reason, it didn’t sit as well on my skin in either colour or texture as the other. I guess for the sake of not appearing biased (THE OTHER PALETTE IS SO MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL AND NICE AND I AM GOING TO WEAR IT SO MUCH) I will have to name the colours in it to…they’re not going to be as inventive, I warn you.


L-R: My Skin But Better, Barbie Flesh, Slutty Skipper

So! First we have My Skin But Better. And by this I mean I am not entirely sure if it’s just a translucent powder with a hella lotta mica in it. It really is just the tone of my skin but with a healthy sheen.

Barbie flesh is next. It is a lighter, cooler nude with a satin pearly finish.

Finally we have Slutty Skipper. It is a warm honey shade with a satin gold sheen which I think is probably my favourite but I’m not gonna be wearing it for another few months as it’s quite tan whereas I am channelling my inner Casper the friendly ghost and am so pale that I practically glow in the fricken dark!


The feel of these are more talc-y and I felt the application wasn’t as smooth as it could have been with powder clinging to dips and fine hair all over the show…and I’m not exactly sporting much bum-fluff on my face!


The one thing I will say about both is that there is a lot of shimmer in them. The aim is for it to be fine but any fallout is gonna have a bit of a sugar-plum fairy effect so watch it! I, personally, love glitter in all it’s forms so I relish in that extra sparkle I leave behind every hand shake!

So here they are in a row!


Daylight without flash.


Daylight with flash.

If you’re low on funds and still desperate for an attempt at the strobing trend, this is a perfect alternative to ABHs!

See you anon,



Kisses Like Sugar! 

You recall the bubblegum from Venus Lush lipstick Passion that I reviewed a while ago? Well here’s something to get your sweet tooth aching even more! From the people that brought you the shade of choice of the triple breasted hooker in Total Recall, I bring you some more lip goodies that will have you licking your lips so vigorously and salaciously that no Martian…Venution? Alien! That no alien will be able to resist!

Lush Cosmetics released their Valentines Day lip bits just in time for the weather in Portsmouth to turn a teensy bit more frightful (I’m from Scotland; I have no idea why people are so bundled up…isn’t it still summer!?). My lips respond to this minor change in temperature by drying up like the harsh, cratered surface of an unterraformed planet. Not to be caught off guard by such things, I nabbed some stuff to beat the cracks into submission and ensure my smooch-pillows stayed as snoggable as possible (yes…I just called my lips smooch-pillows…I have gotten over the embarrassment of that and so should you!).


Ooft…ain’t no kisses happening here!

I nabbed The Kiss lip scrub made by Tomek, your friendly neighbourhood Lush buddy:
A combination of caster sugar, sea salt and cocoa butter with red edible hearts and a pink “glimmer lustre” (I didn’t really see that part personally but there was a little pink tint to my pasty wasteland smackers after application!) It contains Sicilian mandarin and almond essential oils and smells and tastes like strawberry fricken candyfloss! Yummy!

I’m skeptical of the purpose of the edible hearts other than the fact they are super duper cute!  The scrub is gentle and sort of tickles, I like to apply it to my lips with my ring finger and rub it across the skin in circular motions with the tip until I can’t resist just sticking out my moist tongue and tasting…this is beginning to sound a bit too erotic. I have very sensitive lips; remember that time I made us both feel uncomfortable when I called them “smooch-pillows”? Ha! Yeah! That was…mortifying…but it shows you how delicate they are! It’s just not an abrasive scrub. I’m not sure if it was because I needed to put it on again or because I loved the sensation but it certainly didn’t do my lips any damage to reapply! And that time I rubbed my lips together instead of using my finger and pouted like a living sour patch kid, before lapping it off like a happy space puppy! The Panda watched; The Panda was bemused.

Thanks to the cocoa butter and essential oils there wasn’t much need for any further products…but I wanted to apply some anyway! Plus they were still a tad on the super dry side after the very awkward and lopsided 3 mile walk The Panda and I took! So I popped on some Buttered Brazils lip balm lovingly created by Shida which contains Brazil nut butter, obviously, but also dark chocolate of all things! Yummy! AGAIN!


It’s got a grainy texture at first and then rubs in to being super moisturising without being sticky!


Totally smoochable smooch-pillows!

It wasn’t necessary but I shoved on this Body Shop Born Lippy Balm in strawberry (a common purchase for the last 13 years or so because it literally tastes like strawberry laces) to give my lips a little more of a rosey glow!

Behold! My newly terraformed, plump peckables are all luscious and ready for any thing! Like my Plum-Plum Girl Rouge Velour from Bourjois!


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I think I’ve used so many food themed products on my lips that you could literally eat my lips! I’m off to find me a xenomorph egg, get me a facehugger!

Yeah… that’s the xenomorph queen getting off with an MIB agent…this stuff exists, don’t ask me where I find it (look at the link) but this actually exists!

We Stand On Guard For Thee

A blue maple leaf. For peace and sorrow in Canada. 

God bless.

Polish that Chrome-don’t!

Disclaimer: You can tell by my wratchet cuticles and lack of nail real-estate, that like to chomp my nails to pieces and I am not a fan of manicures…and if I do anything to my nails then it is expensive and nail ruining acrylics! You’ll see my dedication to these procedures by the fault lines on my nails! I built this chrome rose city on rocks that roll. So bear that in mind as you read through this blog! ONWARD!

Hey there guys and dolls!

I went for a little splurge a few days ago and nabbed some bits that I never really go for…nail bits! I am all mouth so my claws don’t need much prep…which is good because their isn’t much to prep in any case!

I have a confession to make; I find rose gold cosmetics undeniably sexy! It began with my Naked 3 pallet by Urband Decay…and has progressed from there. There is something about that innocent pink with that inner glow of gold and shimmer that just reminds a girl of post-candlelit coitus perspiration.

BUT I’m still waiting on a certain eyeshadow piece to arrive before I can spritz some sensual dew over the interwebs so we’re gonna explore something different today!

Nail polish!

This is Models Own Chrome Rose polish which I snapped up for £4.99 at Superdrug!

Let’s talk packaging first! It’s massive, and heavy, and thick and super-duper shiny! One might even say ‘chromey’. To be fair…it is as close to chrome as the polish is going to get but we’ll get to that in a sec. The bottle itself is the embodiment of the model stereotype…all style….veeeeerrry little substance! The bottle is completely opaque but the polish is super duper light so I’m tempted to say (without upending the lot into a measuring cup) that we have some blubber thick glass to contain the 11ml dribble of product. The bottle coulda easily been narrower and taller but I’m guessing it needed to be a plus size to accommodate MODELS OWN stamped all across the front! I’m being picky possibly…but wait; There’s more!

The reason it could be narrower and taller is partly due to it then being able to accommodate a brush more suitable to normal nail application! This is a really wide brush and SUPER stumpy so it’s really awkward to see your nail beyond the lid of the polish and it’s really difficult to get precise coverage without rose gold plating your cuticles and fingers in the process!

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To the product; in my completely unprofessional and inexperienced opinion, I appreciate the polish itself being highly pigmented meaning one coat is all you need HOWEVER it takes on the texture of the brushstroke which a gel topcoat didn’t really blend away. Though pigmented, the product is thin and sinks into every nook, cranky and dent so make sure you don’t have a single chip…or, you know, unbuffed ghetto dents from your old acrylic sets!


Colour wise this is more of a rosy bronze than a rosy gold HOWEVER that completely depends on how like your rose metallics. Whatever metal it is, it’s rosey! It’s more a shagged out Beyoncé glow than a shagged out Jennifer Lawrence glow. But she’s not bent over the chrome exhaust of a triumph motorcycle. The high shine isn’t really there. It’s more of a metallic than a chrome even with a high shine gel topper. Not that I expected a MinX style finish but certainly more of a gloss. This dries to almost near matte!

Let us compare. The fore and middle finger nails are two layers of a metallic polish by O.P.I without a top coat and they are almost exactly the same as the MO nails with a top coat. If not even shinier! Then pop on a top coat and HOLY HELL, MARY GOARN BLIND!


Perfect example of you get what you pay for…and I don’t buy nail polish. The O.P.I was a gift! So even that phrase doesn’t apply! Ha! You get what other people pay for…said every mob wife ever!


I think the pros outweigh the cons on this one for me so I wouldn’t buy Models Own polish again.


And so I didn’t feel like I wasted all my time I popped on some pink rhinestones because I’m AWLLLL about the blang blang!

Above All Thinks I Believe In Lips! 

LA Splash; you gots some ‘splainin’ to do! 

Instagram, tumblr, facebook; social media is loaded with support for LA Splash cosmetics! And I was desperate to get my hands on just one! I invested in something similar to curb the craving but nothing satisfied! Sometimes you get that hunger on, like when you could really do with a hotdog and you eat everything but a hotdog and find you’re still hungry? 

I finally got my hands on Dutchess, one of your beautiful studio shine lip lustres which I really hoped was a product that I wouldn’t be able to live without. 


Let’s begin with the colour! A deep rich cool toned matte red with a dusting of red glitter. It glides on smooth and, I cannot stress this enough, stays on. This will not come off. Period. Not that you would want it to, the colour is that damn gorgeous. Prepare to wake up all done up even if you sleep in it; like Snow White from the glass coffin, you’ll be ready to party as soon as true loves smooch comes along.



That is if Prince Charming doesn’t receive some sort of friction burn from the petrified wood that your lips become! Okay…it’s not that bad…but it certainly feels like a badgers arse after it dries to that perfect shimmery satin finish! Mr Panda advises that it is probably similar to giving a blowjob with a condom on…not that he has ever done such a thing (ladies and gentlemen, this is a near direct quote from my boyfriend. Welcome to my life. It is odd). He has let me know that it isn’t unpleasant. Just dry.

It didn’t come off though!

It doesn’t crack, slip or peel which is good because if you put on more than one layer, things start to go south pretty quickly. It flakes and, if you try to put on a clear lipgloss (counterintuitive considering it is a satin lustre and not a gloss), you end up with lips that need resurfacing!

I have found the best way to get it off was with the help of a friends cocoa oil which she uses to take the ash off her elbows and knees! Worked a charm! Anything else: soap, water, acetone, white spirit, exorcism by a catholic priest…this stuff will not budge. Trust me! 


So if you want to seductively lick your lips (do it once, you will consider a nipslip as your flirtation of choice instead) go ahead! But, as I said, you will do it once and then decide against it. It’s not a nice feeling. Like licking a piece of paper when you’re really thirsty. Then your lips get a little tacky as they dry…and feel EVEN drier as a result! 

Sad fact of the matter is…I’m a sucker for pigmentation, comfort be damned! I want it bright, brash and sexy and this is what this gives you! Unforgiving, unrelenting, unmoisturising, undeniably seductive colour! 

No top-gloss, no double coats, no touch ups and no moisture…but who cares when you have lips the juicy colour of Satine’s Smouldering Temptress dress from Moulin Rouge! 


“My little strawberry, how could he possibly resist but gobbling you up!”

She’s Far Out, Daddy-O!

My Bestie, Bb, is one class act! She’s funny, bubbly and sensitive. And I wouldn’t do anything to change her …until she asks me to do her make-up and hair. Then all bets are firmly off!

She was going to a 60’s do with her other half and I decided to give her a Bardot half up-do with a neutral cut crease and a nude lip.

I love doing one on one make-overs with my friends because it really allows for some much needed bonding. PLUS there is something to show for it at the end that is a true example of time well spent in decent company!

To create this eye look I used the Naked 3 Pallet from Urban Decay, Maybellines 24/7 Gel Liner and Eylure lashes in 120.

Oh! And if you haven’t invested in a Beauty Blender just yet? You would be crazy not to!

Hope you like it!

What is your go to decade for inspiration? Do you like the high voltage neon of the 90’s, a 50’s inspired red lip or a high contour from the 00’s?

Tall Think Of Water!

I swore I would never be one of those girls who would post a haul of any kind. I’m not stylish enough, I’m not rich enough and I hardly have an eye for a bargain…and then I fell in love with a sleeveless, rust coloured wool-blend coat with a tie waist from Dorothy Perkins that was 60% off. I fell off the wagon big style! However I take solace in the fact that I cleared out my entire wardrobe before spending a single penny and donated one large, stuffed refuse bag of decent clothing to charity!

What you see here is the culmination of two weeks dedicated sale shopping! Including one special piece in the lower right hand corner that I have placed for sentimental value…and just to show off how beautiful that piece in particular is!


I chose each of these pieces for their versatility to take me through the remainder of the winter and into the Spring and maybe be recycled in the Autumn. Some pieces are very much casual but I can see them all working together somehow which brings me great joy! There are some bits in my wardrobe that I can’t bare to part with yet but that’s because I am a seasonal shopper. I don’t like to think about it being 30 Degrees plus when the temp is still in single figures!

I tried to steer clear of trend pieces…save that one very 70’s throwback dress in the middle… and stick to colours and prints that I know I wear regularly. I favour greys, blues and blacks with neutrals thrown in. Above all else, I prize shoes so I needed to get pieces that would work with my burgeoning shoe collection. Texture wise I have grown to loath jersey material with a passion. It’s clingy, it marks easily, it shows all sweat patches, it bobbles and it loses its shape to the point where you may as well have purchased a canvas bag for your skirt! So I have invested in woven, knit and leather bits!

I have been lusting after the camel/black chevron tunic from Dorothy Perkins (Dotty P’s got a lot of my custom this year already, saucy minx) since before New Year and I had to snap it up when it went down to £18 from £25! They offer a free postage service to the shop which I took advantage of too!



New Year often means New Bras! And I’m still clinging to those in my underwear drawer that haven’t seen the light of day since I was 20. That statement carries more weight to it at the moment because this year I turn 28. In a bid to force my hand, I have purchased 2 single bras and one underwear set. No doubt they will fall to the whey side but, as I type this, I am conscious that I’ve set aside the next half an hour for going through the Bermuda triangle that is the bottom drawer!


I must take a moment to mention those shoes. These could be considered an impulse purchase as I wandered in, saw them and then bought them. But if you know the story of how my bestie and I dressed up to the nines to go and see the first SaTC movie and saw these shoes and I died on the spot…it doesn’t seems like much of an impulse. These aren’t Manoloes…but I saw the real deal in Las Vegas and… I’m glad they’re not. The brooch on the front is far more sparkly, the satin is a cobalt rather than a navy and the heel creates a much more beautiful arch to the foot! I ADORE THEM! And I am torn between wearing them now or saving them for my graduation where I will insist on wearing completely impractical shoes. Those could be them! I will fall arse over tit across a stage for my diploma…simply to be seen in these beauties!
What did you snap up in the Boxing Day/ January sales? What things do you see taking you through the year? Maybe into 2017?

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