You’re stronger than you think: Product Review!

My hair is something you would find in a barn, rolled up and lashed into bales to feed the cattle during the long harsh winter! I often think I’m lucky that my stripped and parched strings of mangled twine don’t combust when hit by refracted light! It is basically an unmanageable heap of kindling descending rapidly into the territory of ash the more and more I subject it to heat!

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When it hit 1:30pm today…I realised that I hadn’t done very much…not even the things I was supposed to do. And until 11:55am when I woke up and found myself able to move, this was something I could blame on the CFS…the rest has simply been dedicated procrastination. And when I realized that was the case I began to feel really badly about it. So I decided to do something proactive. I decided to tend my mop with a much recommended protein hair treatment called Aphogee.

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I’ve heard the good, I’ve heard the bad and I’ve even seen the ugly attributed to this product but believe me when I say that it was either this or shave the whole lot off and start again! In the space of 8 months I have gone from red to deep, dark brown, to blonde, to platinum blond, to white, to cotton candy pink…and then back to red again as a last resort to save my scalp from the daily blood on the pillow (40% bleach on the scalp is actually KILLER). Now, not all my hair is a lost cause but a good inch of it is pretty much on it’s last legs…and as I am growing out a pixie cut, in some places an inch is all I have from being Sinaede O’Connor circa “Nothing Compares”. So, like I said, I was willing to try anything because the alternative was the most extreme…and even then I was willing!

I’m going to begin this by saying that this is NOT a shampoo, after reading so many reviews I was prepared for it NOT to smell like one. Once you have washed you hair with your own shampoo, then towel tried it as directed…you will have decent comparison. It has been described as “rotten eggs mixed with alcohol”, “toilet cleaner and barf”…personally I thought it smelt a bit like christmas cake that had been doused WAY to many times with a mixture of rum, whiskey and port. I don’t particularly like christmas cake HOWEVER I can think of worse things that I could be smearing on my head. I did, however, underestimate how runny the product was. I went on alright but…given time it begin to trickle onto my neck and back and that was okay…until it began to dry *shudder*. I do not recommend; sticky and tight and not in a pva on the skin sorta way!

But it is what must be endured in order to saturate the hair in STEP 1.

Then comes the tedious process of drying it with the hairdryer (unless you’re lucky enough to possess a drying hood). It does take a while but it’s the heat that adheres the protein to the strand so persevere. For the LOVE of god, don’t use a brush while drying. The instructions were VERY clear about that and said it in CAPITAL LETTERS!!! Though I’m not too sure who would consider it or even be able to, I thought my hair was like straw before. I knew nothing (Jon Snow). This was like straw that had been rolled together with molasses and stuck back on my bonce! And then it bypassed that and I had a very unfashionable helmet. The stuff doesn’t go rock hard but feels like a ball of tightly rolled up sticky tape (the non-tacky side).

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Once its at this ken doll hair stage, you rinse it out. Warning: My hair actually felt WORSE than it did before I put on the treatment. I squeezed it together and it actually stayed in this dangly, ginger icicle shape. Mild panic ensued. I reached for the balancing moisturizer that came with and popped that on for the 2 mins advised and then washed it off. My dangly icicle was back to being hair but it felt grossly unconditioned (probably due to the fact that I had just rubbed what constituted as concentrated chicken fetus onto my head). So I popped on a conditioning mask which I pilfered from my future hair dye touch-up box.

Half an hour later I washed that off and it felt like freshly conditioned, normal, nice hair. The added surprise came when, for the first time in years, I had but one SINGLE strand of breakadge which I considered keeping as a momento but I’m not -that-weird…just weird enough to consider it. I still wasn’t holding out much hope for my cattle-feed locks as they had been. But I sat down to run some Dry Oil through it and give it a dry.

Oh goodness… oh dear lords and ladies and all manner of animal idols in the sky and down below…you have seen fit to touch my strands with a golden hand. Seriously, if you had felt the difference between the two, it’s more staggering than the difference shown in the pictures. No, it’s not virgin hair. But it’s damn near as close as I have been in near a decade.

BEFORE: Note the puffy, fuzzy dryness and hay like bleh of it!

BEFORE: Note the puffy, fuzzy dryness and hay like bleh of it!

AFTER: Hair dried in exactly the same way with exactly the same dry oil product!

AFTER: Hair dried in exactly the same way with exactly the same dry oil product!

I’m super pleased. If your hair is super damaged by heat and bleach and just general over processing, Aphogee is an amazing product that I would highly recommend to be your shaving grace. I’m leaving it a few days and then I’m going to see what it looks/feels like with a straighten.

I shall see you anon!
P.

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